What? is happening to me again?
The day started off fine and happy like yesterday but.. then after music lessons something started changing with me. During lunch break I felt totally and awfully bored but I decided that it was only for the fact that I indeed was in school. After lunch I had one lesson and after that, on maths lesson.. I was down. Totally beat out. I mean, I felt that I was foaming inside, it was the same feeling I had many times before Christmas, once the feeling was so bad I started crying in the middle of the school cafeteria for absolutely no reason. No warning or anything. But today, I think I know why I felt that way. I felt jealousy, big time.
There's this one person has become really unbelievably important and close to me within a few months. Now he's made really good friends with another important friend of mine and keeps telling me how awesome she is. It's fine, I know how wonderful she is, and he is, they both are, but.. I guess I liked to be friends with them kind of.. individually. Well anyway, we all are on the same maths course and today they had somehow switched seats so that they sat next to each other when usually I've sat between them. I felt like they totally ignored me the whole lesson, and my way of showing I'm angry or disappointed is that I don't say anything, kind of sulk if you may. I've never been quiet a whole lesson in high school (yes, I know, but that's me :D) but now I did. I felt unwanted.
I'm not in love with the guy or anything. My boyfriend is in the same school as I am so it's nothing like that. It's just that.. he's really important to me. I can't explain it. I feel like I can talk to him in a way I can't talk to some friends of mine I've known for years. And though I know it's not the case since he keeps telling me how I'm one of his closest friends, but I feel like not only the seats in the classroom were switched, but also me.
I honestly hope I feel better tomorrow about this. I liked the way I was yesterday.